The Stupidest Article About Social Media Ever
September 25, 2009
Filed Under: in Analysis, Bleeding Edge, Featured Articles, Marketing 2.0, New Media vs. Old Media, Online Video, PR 2.0, Real-Time Web, Sharing, Social Media, Social Search
Author: nalts
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Social media is changing the entire universe, and someone might have sent you to this article because you “don’t get it.”
I have no specific credentials to write about social media, but I did some Google searches 30 minutes ago and now I’m calling myself an expert. Since social media is new, you’ll have a hard time refuting that claim.
Let me start by plagiarizing Wikipedia’s definition of social‐media because I’m too lazy to paraphrase it or actually read it.
Social media are media designed to be disseminated through social interaction, created using highly accessible and scalable publishing techniques. Social media supports the human need for social interaction, using Internet and web-based technologies to transform broadcast media monologues (one to many) into social media dialogues (many to many). It supports the democratization of knowledge and information, transforming people from content consumers into content producers. Businesses also refer to social media as user generated content (UGC) or consumer generated media (CGM).
Hopefully by the time you read this, the editors at Wikipedia haven’t changed it.
A few other people have written about social media, but it’s like Robert Scoble says, “That’s the first lesson: even though you probably are getting sick and tired of hearing about something… the reality is that most of your friends haven’t even heard the news yet.”
I quoted Robert Scoble because it gives this article credibility, and, quite frankly, I don’t read his blogosphere so I just grabbed that quote from his most‐recent post about his new baby. Scoble’s worldwide website is available if you click that underlined thing one sentence back. He works for Microsoft or something.
It’s time for a gratuitous and recent statistic to substantiate what I’m saying.
According to Hitwise/Experian, “Twitter is now the 26th ranked website visited by Australian Internet users (week ending 5 September 2009).” There’s probably a better quote than that, but it’ll do. It’s current.
People moved from MySpace to Facebook, and now they’re all on Twitter. Pretty soon there will be a new important website that I’ll hopefully convince someone to pay me to monitor and fix. Your company needs a Facebook and Twitter account or it will lose its relevancy and go out of business fast. I can’t stress that enough.
This is the sentence where I differentiate myself from those hyping social media by indicating that I know what’s coming in the future and how it will matter to companies. Actually, I’m going to go ahead and save that part for a follow‐on article called “stupidester.”
What follows is a list that you could title using any of the following: top ten sins, commandments, rules, failures, success stories, case studies, ROI, metrics or results.
- Be transparent
- Moving slowly
- Drives measurable ROI
- Skittles
Companies that “get” social media usually have heard of social media. I’m actually writing this article in hopes that someone at a conference will offer me that job.
They’ll probably be impressed with this article, and maybe not notice that I found the logo on top while searching Google images for “social media.”
I’ve decided this article has too many words, so I’m
going to use a piece of clip art to demonstrate my next point.
This picture demonstrates the measurable ROI that comes from social‐media strategy and tactics. I hope you’re impressed that I started with a random image I found in clip art… and then backed into that meaning. Not everyone can do that.
In conclusion, social media is changing the entire universe, and your company should have a Facebook or Twitter account or it will lose its relevancy and go out of business fast.
[Editor’s Note: Kevin H. Nalty is on Twitter as “Nalts,” and probably on Facebook but he can’t remember his username. He runs Nalts Consulting, which he says “will probably go out of business fast.”
I’ve always admired Nalts for his incisive and generally amusing commentary and keen eye for what matters in online media. He’s the only career marketer who also is one of the most watched online-video personalities.
This is his first contribution to SiliconANGLE. Thank him for it in the comments enough, and I might be able to twist his arm into writing “stupidester” for us. –mrh]
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Now that I've skimmed this article and started a Twitter account I can start social media consulting! Per your advice, I will start with my own 10 Commandments of Twitter http://bit.ly/3Cs5kk
@richanddaveshow
And while we're at it, here's a video satire called "Anti-Social Media." It never did circulate among the SM Wonks, but maybe it was too early. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoKOVwcR4zI
Pretty good article, inspiring!
I like it. Great post I think that I will show it to more people I know. Which are now still living and thinking like the early stages/years of the net. lol
@shurandythode
[...] you are in good company: http://s.oy.ly/ud5s (blog post) MarianCutler: Stupidest SM Article Ever http://bit.ly/3zsKI RT @Nalts @MaverickNY //Clever. But, if one “expert” self identifies I’d do a jig [...]
This article is great because in the comments I can flog my totally unrelated thing by drawing a tenuous/random connection. For more check me out at
http://www.BlackHoleOfAttention.com, and be sure to sign up for my FREE 65,000 hour audio course which will help you save time and rake in phat bank.
PS Nalts did u win that waterpark thing? loved that vid i need to show it to my daughter. She's 8 and still not a youtube star, wth???
#makemoremoney through RT #epicfail #fail RT @scobelizer #FF @whitehouse I can grow your twitter network through scientifically proven methods any guys out there? look me up
Twitter will be replaced by Quacker, Social Web 3.0 - for those really ahead of social media
And the company that hires you after reading this clever article must know that they should not expect any quantifiable ROI. You just need to throw it all out there and see what works. EVERY social media tool must have value to an organization....if they do not jump on the tools as they are released they will be on the verge of gasping their last profitable breathe.
wow, you probably didn't think you'd get these many comments
good job tho
Nice, Nalts, very nice. And, I'm posting so that I can be considered relevant. And hopefully show up in searches with Robert Scoble. And you, of course.
Drat! Someone has figured out my formula...
Brilliant!
LOL - I love it! It is sad though how close this comes to being the truth about the current state of Social Networking "experts" and what most are trying to measure.
MRH- I love the attention you brought this piece. I thought it was going to be another one of those "made myself laugh... good enough" things. I love that you changed "head of" to "heard of." Keep it that way- it's funnier.
[...] “everyone’s a critic.” Now, everyone’s an expert – and this hilarious tongue-in-cheek article from Kevin Nalty, “The Stupidest Article About Social Media... is a beautiful and entertaining parody the demonstrates this phenomenon to a tee. It’s almost [...]
[...] This is his first contribution to SiliconANGLE. Thank him for it in the comments enough, and I might be able to twist his arm into writing “stupidester” for us. –mrh] via siliconangle.net [...]
[...] get a lot of videos about marketing. And the social-media space is just too damned cluttered. Any idiot can write an article about that. I like the sites that touch on the intersection of online-video and marketing, and don’t [...]
[...] go read the full piece here. Share with [...]
At last the legend is coming true - "One day a great gift will descend from the gods that will allow people of all races, creeds and cultures to communicate with each other and share their wisdom, hopes dreams and aspirations." As high priest of the temple I appointed myself a Social Medai Expert when it was unfashionable to do so. I was subjected to ridicule and laughter. Thankfully those days are over and the public at large are taking Social Media seriously. I'll be pleased to see the back of all those companies that failed to give me a book deal or offer me a speaking engagement. Do we have a prophesy for exactly when they will be going out of business?
Now that this universe has seen the light, I'm off to the next one.
4. Skittles
Still lolling
[...] so tired of the hype around Twitter and Facebook for marketing, and I recently wrote a satire of the whole social-media racket. Here’s why I like YouTube better for marketers and advertisers, and I’ll end with an [...]
http://socialmedia09.com/ - we'll be exploring the business benefits of social media.
[...] a bit more oomph: they use the term consultant.Social media expertise in general has become a joke, sadly, as there really are people out there who understand social media and how it relates to [...]
Very true. The universe (and all the other parallel universes) has changed forever and social media made it all happen as every instant expert will tell you. Thank you, Nalts, I needed a good laugh about all this.
[...] Filed under: Blogging, Marketing, Twitter, Writing, social media — Word Girl @ 3:11 pm Article from Silicon Angle in the “funny but true” category: I have no specific credentials to [...]
Replying to Max Benavidez. I agree that some are smart here. Steve Rubel (Micropersuasion) has a PR background and paved the path before we called it social media. My own sense is that the most proficient people will be PR and digital marketers. And that companies will evolve initially in chaos, then cross-functional groups, then a centralized point (like eBusiness circa 2000) and finally it will become part of many jobs.
OMG! This needs to be a movie. You could get Brad Pitt to play you. Great writing.
OK. Now we need to start a conference based on this post. What shall we call it?
Oh!! And a webinar. We need a webinar!!