Comments on: Social Media Gone Awry: When Mommybloggers Attack

By: Angela Connor

Angela Connor — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:08:05 +0000

Hi Mark. I see I’m late to this but I have to chime in. As someone who sees comments posted on news stories daily as part of my job, I know that this kind of criticism is very common. As the person in charge of creating policies and guidelines for moderators to follow, one rule I’ve created is this: We do not allow comments that blame a parent when a child dies. At least not when the story is first reported and the facts are unknown. That is one area we choose to moderate very delicately. Now, we are a news site and there is pre-moderation but this guideline was very much needed based on what we were seeing. People don’t need facts to start with their assumptions and they are very cruel when it comes to children because the blam has to be placed somewhere and the facts don’t matter. Sad, but true. And believe me, these aren’t mommy bloggers, they are John and Jane Q. Public sharing similar sentiments placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of the parent even when it doesn’t involve twitter or spending time on social networking sites. This is very pervasive.

By: Sheryl Breuker

Sheryl Breuker — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:38:00 +0000

I have not read the posts surrounding all of this. I don’t want to. I did read this because I’m subscribed and I like Mark ;o)

Can I just shine a light on something coming from the other side as I like to call it when we no longer have little ones scooting through our lives?

First, my heart goes out to the mom in question. The pain of losing a child is unimaginable to those who have not, and yet we all have probably had nightmares of that at some point so the empathy exists and is almost palpable.

Now the other side and a teensy bit of history for perspective.

I have 2 kids, kids…18 is the baby and 27 is the oldest. My 18 year old has a bone condition. Brittle bones. In other words he can walk across a floor and for no reason at all a bone can break. Let me just say the horror we all experience when our kids are injured is increased 10 fold when it starts happening and you don’t know why and don’t know how to prevent it. We didn’t know he had it until he was 2 and by then he had had both legs broken multiple times, his jaw, a few other fractures. I was a ‘stay at home mom’ and I felt helpless. I berated myself daily with, why didn’t I pay more attention, or what could I have done differently to prevent it? I remember when my son was 1.5 and he and I came home from the market with arms full of groceries. To this day I do not know exactly what happened, my arms were full of bags, but I heard a shriek behind me and dropped my groceries turning in time to see my son sitting on the ground white as a sheet, holding his leg and rocking back and forth. his leg was broken and I blamed me, but I sure didn’t want it and didn’t expect it. He was a baby. In that moment I hated myself for failing him. But I didn’t fail him, I never wanted to fail him and I sure didn’t wish the pain he has endured on him.

We aren’t gods, we can’t predict all things and we have no right to point fingers at others when we aren’t walking in their shoes. The little boy who drowned has left a legacy he surely would not want left. He loved his mom and would not want her to suffer this backlash, even if she was twittering while it happened, for a mistake we ALL are guilty of. Not watching every single second. Who of us has never turned our head with a toddler? We have all gone to the bathroom, or been so tired we put our child down for a nap, lying down ourselves and been awakened with a situation unexpected? Look…maybe it isn’t one of the scenarios I pointed out, but we’ve had calls or had the doorbell ring or something has happened that meant we weren’t on top of our toddler every second. All it takes is one second and that woman is left to pay a lifetime price for something if she could undo it would be undone in a heartbeat. She isn’t a Susan Smith and she shouldn’t be treated like one. She is human and she is doing the best she can.

I’m sorry for her and her family. Sorry for the people who are so smug and sure they have all the answers. Sorry that our world isn’t more caring and loving when people experience things and can’t even turn to the people they thought they could for support and consideration.

I wish we would all make a resolution to think before we speak. I wish we would all step back and give each other a little slack. Perfection doesn’t exist and to expect it of ourselves or others means we have little tolerance for differences and don’t learn or grown through our mistakes. That is truly sad.

By: ginmar

ginmar — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 17:53:51 +0000

Madison McGraw’s a publicity hound with a passel of mediocre books to sell and she’s run out of relatives she hasn’t alienated yet to give her glowing reviews. Who the hell gets riled up about something that’s a terrible tragedy and aggressively courts newspapers, TV shows and reporters, and tries to call detectives to get the poor bereft mom arrested?

She herself has at least three online identities and as much as she bitches at Ross for, you’d think she’d be a bit more circumspect as she doesn’t have custody of all her children. She’s boasted that famous writers have written her back and compares her writing to that of James Patterson and Janet Evanovich. Meanwhile, at least one reviewer on Amazon sounds an awful lot like her, following one reviewer back to her site and harassing her there.

I just marvel at people like this. There’s a reason we call things ‘accidents’.

By: ShyCelticWitch

ShyCelticWitch — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:58:09 +0000

I’m sorry, but I don’t think the 11 year old should have been in charge of the 2 year old. First of all, in Florida that’s illegal. Siblings must be 12 or older to be in charge of those younger. Secondly, I was a single mother from the time my daughter was 1 until she was 8. NEVER during that time, was she out of my sight unless she was with another ADULT. Anything personal that I wanted or needed to do was left alone until I could give it my full attention, which means that another responsible person was watching her, or she was asleep. That chicken coop could have waited. This woman spends many hours a day blogging and tweeting… and after reading some of here posts, she appears very narcissistic and self-centered. What are her children doing during this time that she spends telling the world about her life? This sounds like nothing more than another “hoax” to get on a reality TV show. I will pray to God with all my might that this child did NOT die so his mother could receive the 15 minutes of fame that she seems to think is due her.

By: Deb

Deb — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:32:38 +0000

I must be missing something because the way the story was originally reported (in the actual news, not on blogs) Shellie was NOT Tweeting as the tragedy unfolded! She was cleaning out a chicken coop while her 11 year old watched his younger brother. She had asked the 11yr old to get a hose out of the pool area and the gate did nit close properly behind him. He went back inside to look for his brother who had already snuck out and fallen into the pool. Shellie called 911 and performed CPR the entire time waiting for them to arrive. She only tweeter (according to records) after they got there, propbably in desperation and feeling alone and scared. She told her followers after the criticism began that she was not tweeting as it went, but I guess people get more attention when they make things up. And you’ll excuse me if I find it deeply ironic that other “mommy bloggers” (who must be ignoring their own kids plenty) are spending do much time attacking thus poor woman in her grief. Deplorable and just another reason women have the reputation they have (of being vicious and self-defeating).

By: Karoli

Karoli — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 08:13:35 +0000

Thank you for speaking up. When my daughter was five and my husband was out of the country, I walked her across our “street”, which is really more like an alleyway in a condo complex to play with her friend. she forgot something and came home for it, slipped in the back door, got what she wanted, and headed back across. A van driver parked on the side who wasn’t paying attention drove over her.This was 10 years ago, but still, the folks I reached out to were my online friends and co-workers, because they were my community. It was a message board and not twitter, but still…they were the first refuge.

Perhaps this woman who felt compelled to pass judgment on Shellie might have bothered to a) find out facts; and b) STFU about what her opinion was, because maybe, just possibly, it could hurt another person who had already been wounded to the quick.

In my situation, an whacko shrink we took her to for PTSD reported me to Child Protective Services, where I had to endure the humiliation of having a full investigation done, friends, school, doctor, neighbors all questioned. I’ve never forgotten the insult put on top of injury from that.

It is, in some ways, worse than the Kathy Sierra situation, even though hers was terrible, because Shellie has to live with the loss of her sweet child AND the unwarranted judgment of others. Horrible.

By: Mark 'Rizzn' Hopkins

Mark 'Rizzn' Hopkins — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:18:34 +0000

@Mami2Mommy: Thanks. I try.
@Melissa: I originate from East Texas, which generally makes national headlines for high school riots and people being kidnapped in Walmart parking lots, so I know a little about what you’re talking about.

As to your character profile of MacGraw – I sorta got that impression… It’s hard to say, since I don’t really know her that well (I didn’t read very far back in her archives, but the few posts I read could be consistent with your assessment)…

Her move and willigness to continue her portrayal of Shellie as hopelessly addicted to outside contact via twitter to the numerous media outlets that quoted her just struck me as someone seeking her 15 minutes of fame.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 06:19:08 +0000

Thank you for saying something.

I live right here in Bucks County, PA, and her face looks vaguely familiar. She better hope I never run into her at the supermarket or she’s getting a very loud earful.

What kind of jacka$$ puts SO MUCH energy and work into ripping someone else like that? Clearly this b—h has some serious issues and was probably a queen bee type in high school. Bullies are bullies, and this one didn’t seem to grow out of it.

What a terrible statement about our culture. I am ashamed that this woman shares my national identity let alone my zip code. It makes me sick.

By: Mami2Mommy

Mami2Mommy — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:58:57 +0000

You are my hero. Bravo. Well said!

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