UPDATED 23:40 EDT / SEPTEMBER 08 2015

NEWS

Drugs, guns, hot chicks, not Trump: why you should support John McAfee’s run for President | #McAfee16

“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”

Aldous Huxley, Brave New World.

Drugs, guns, hot chicks, conspiracy theories that don’t have anything to do with jet fuel and steel beams, international intrigue, more drugs, weird arrests, people trying to kill you… what more could you possibly want in a President?

If you prefer a President who doesn’t wear a toupee and isn’t afraid to point a gun at his radiant, real hair, have we got the candidate for you!

John McAfee.

Putting aside that there are potentially problems with him meeting the natural born citizen test for President like the current Kenyan guy running the country (McAfee first appeared on the earth in Scotland) and that even Wikipedia isn’t quite sure when he was born, probably because the aliens who delivered him didn’t fill out a birth certificate, John McAfee is the man America needs, and not just because he isn’t Donald Trump.

McAfee is apparently scheduled to formally announce his candidacy for something called “The Cyber Party” on Fox News Thursday, but according to political site The Hill he filed his paperwork with the Federal Electoral Commission Tuesday.

Campaign spokesman and former Google employee Kyle Sandler (we’re not sure if he’s related to Adam or not) immediately addressed the natural born citizen issue by noting that that McAfee is neither Kenyan, Donald Trump, or wears kilts while hiding from master ninja assassins hired by drug lords in Central America as McAfee was born on a United States army base, and hence, like the old geezer who is famous for being captured by bad guys in Asia somewhere during a war who ran for President a while back, is A.O.K., Uncle Sam approved, all good to run.

McAfee himself has been relatively quiet about his run to become the coolest, most powerful person on the planet, retweeting various stories about him running for President instead, along with blaming others for his Presidential run by claiming his advisers had been pressing him to do so.

Any good campaign has a website, and McAfee is not remiss here with the McAfee16.com site already live with an opening statement attributed to George Washington that reads “guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.”

The campaign site is a little shallow on details, and by that we mean it actually has nothing about McAfee’s platform, but it does provide details on how McAfee supporters can make sure he appears on the ballot paper in each state.

In recent years McAfee has done more than live in fear given the global conspiracy against him and has actually returned to producing products again through his FutureTense Central company, including most recently the disruptive SSL certificate provider BlackCert.

While I can’t speak for everyone at SiliconANGLE we none the less encourage you not to squander your vote in 2016 and consider wisely who you vote for; do you really want to see a racist TV show host come multiple times bankrupt schmuck become President, or would you prefer someone who is certifiably batshit crazy but is honest about it and owns it like James Bond…who incidentally was also born in Scotland.

McAfee deserves your consideration for President and given a choice between the two current main party candidates Trump and Bernie Sanders I know who’d I’d vote for…if I was American.


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