Tiger Woods Signs New Contract….with Celibacy #TigerWoods

The world’s best golfer is in Mississippi being treated for sex addiction according to reports. I think we can all agree that when your sex addiction gets out of control, Mississippi is the only place to get it taken care of. We all know that.

If you believe author and self-confessed recovering sex addict Benoit Denizet-Lewis, (and I do), Tiger Woods is being treated at Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in Hattiesburg. ( pictures ) Why wouldn’t we believe him? Isn’t the world more fun if we assume Tiger Woods, the world’s most private man, is sitting around in a circle talking about how he can’t stop sexing cocktail and pancake waitresses.

It is enough for me to want a sex addiction of my own just so I can enroll at the center and do the ‘group’ thing with Tiger. “My name is Tiger and I can’t stop sexing reality TV stars, waitresses, party planners, and porno stars.....Hi Tiger!”

According to Denizet-Lewis, Woods would be required to do group therapy, sign a celibacy contract and also promise not to sex himself. Yeah. I am sure that wasn’t very awkward. This is a guy who doesn’t like revealing his workout program to people, but he’s going to get into the nitty gritty of his pancake conquests and sign a contract that prohibits him from working on his stroke? I don’t think Jack Nicklaus ever had to do this.

I for one, buy the whole “sex addict” thing. Of course Tiger is a sex addict. What other explanation would there be for the way he conducted his life; other than him just being a bad guy? You think he pulled that waitress out of the Denny’s or IHOP, or where ever it was because he thought it would be cool? He was jonesing for a sex fix and she was the first woman he saw. That’s the best explanation I can think of or have heard. That makes more sense than him thinking she was hot. She wasn’t.

If Woods isn’t talking, and the longer he goes without saying anything the more likely he never will, then this is what we are left with. Third hand reports of sex addiction treatments. Hey, it’s better than nothing.

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