Will The Real USC Please Stand Down

By Brian Beckner:

Like a Jerry Springer rerun with two jealous chicks fighting over some occasionally employed, oversaturated and undernourished trailer park Casanova, the University of South Carolina lost its battle with the University of Southern California to use the coveted “SC” logo on its athletic gear. While a crushing blow to its ego, this is a blessing in disguise for South Carolina. Because although the school may have an unfortunate mascot, the disputed logo is absolutely drenched in vinegar and water.

From the LA Times:

“Would a reasonable person confuse a USC logo on a garnet-and-black ball cap in Columbia, S.C., with the same letters on cardinal-and-gold sportswear worn by a Trojans fan at the Coliseum?

Apparently so, a federal appeals court has decided in rejecting a petition from the Palmetto State to use the letters on baseball team clothing for the University of South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks.”

Why exactly anyone would want to appropriate the USC look is still a mystery? Did the good people of the Palmetto State not already have a means of immediately recognizing a d-bag? Or was it just the opposite? Was the southeastern bedazzled jeans, skintight Ed Hardy, hoop earring and excessive gel set just looking west for the ultimate accoutrement? Unfortunately, thanks to a panel of three federal judges, the world will probably never know. For the foreseeable future the westernmost USC will get to keep its prized logo, and now that this matter has been adjudicated both schools can move on.

This is probably a blessing in disguise for Atlantic SC anyway, emulating the University of South Central would probably have led to unfortunate outcomes. What’s next for South Carolina, an army of convertible white BMWs for its student body? Will their commencement ceremonies include additional seating for Daddy’s “secretary?” Can the coeds be allowed an extra week at spring break for elective surgery convalescence? Are the fans of the school’s football team currently being coached in liberal use of the term “we” when referring to the team’s play?

The sad thing is that SC South is a state school. That means the South Carolina taxpayers had to pay to litigate this foray into douchebaggery. Were the tables turned USC West could just recruit its army of excessively divorced alumni to pay the freight. Or do they wait to call in that favor until it’s time to hire a football coach, or get a marginal running back an SUV? And for a school that hates being referred to as “Southern Cal,” they sure are protective of those initials?

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