NBA All-Star Weekend Primer #NBA

In the event you live in Washington DC, or some other place where the snow is going to keep you trapped inside this weekend - why else would you watch - here are the things you need to know heading into NBA All-Star Weekend.

• NBA players, who can dunk with ease, will cover their faces in mock disbelief after seeing a dunk contestant slam a basketball. The dunk will be marginal at best, but said players will throw themselves sideways, cover their mouths with their hands and act like they just saw someone walk on water.
• Magic Johnson will show up and talk despite the fact that no one really cares what he has to say. “The Lakers are....” Just stop Earv.
  

  Have you seen my stadium? It's really big.

• The Rookie-Sophomore game will be played with a level of intensity that is rarely seen in a regular NBA game. These guys are so bent that they didn’t get to play in the real game that they try and kill each other on the floor.
• The Shooting Stars competition will be the NBA’s latest attempt to try and make the WNBA relevant. An NBA’er, a WNBA’er and a former NBA player playing a game where no one really knows the rules. Sorry Commissioner Stern, no matter how hard you try, the WNBA will never work. NEVER.
• The Skills Challenge will neither ‘challenge’ anyone, nor showcase their ‘skills’.
• Weed will get smoked, cognac will get drunk. Players will be involved.
  

  NBA Christmas tree

• Endless visuals of Jerry Jones monument to excess, Cowboys Stadium. Has there been a sporting event in the last 12 months that hasn’t been played at that place? I think they are doing to Oscars and the Nobel Prize presentation there later this year. Nothing like a basketball game with 100,000 of your closest buds.
• Kobe Bryant will be seen fake laughing and joking with teammates, while the other All-Stars attempt to disguise their palpable dislike for Bryant.
• Allen Iverson will prove to the world that he is, in fact, still alive.
• Kobe will play like it is the most important game of his career. To be fair, to him, it probably is. How else do you explain 3 ASG MVPs?
• A horrendous basketball game with too many lobs, too many dunks, and players trying to conceal their hangovers during the game.
• Very ugly, very expensive suits.

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