Speed Skating Fail

The only thing worse than being an athlete in a fringe winter Olympic sport, is being an athlete in a fringe winter Olympic sport who wins a gold medal and then has it ripped out of his hands because his coach went brain dead.

Meet Sven Kramer. The Dutch speed skating ‘star’ (apparently there is such a thing in the Netherlands), won the 10,000 meter event in Olympic record time. At least he would have had his coach, Gerard Kemkers, not told him to make a lane change that resulted in his disqualification and the ripping of his gold medal. Ouch.

Kramer:

"Usually, I don't want to blame anyone else, I take responsibility as the skater on the ice. But this time I can't do anything else,'' the son of two-time Olympic speed skater Yep Kramer told reporters after the race.

"I wanted to go on the outer lane, then just before the cone Gerard shouted, 'Inner lane!' I thought he was probably right. At first I thought my skates passed the cone on the wrong side, and I will be disqualified. Then I noticed in the stadium, something was wrong."

"You have to decide in a split second. I should have gone with my own thoughts but I was brought into doubt. This really sucks. This is a real expensive mistake. This really sucks.''

Sucks indeed. Kramer works his entire athletic life, putting in countless hours in the gym and on the ice. He performs masterfully in his event, on the sports biggest stage, and he wins! Only he doesn’t because his coach is a moron. That’s gonna leave a mark.

Maybe they care in the Netherlands about speed skating in non-Olympic years, but the rest of the human race certainly doesn’t. His one moment to be an international star, if only for a few hours, and instead he is reduced to a punchline, a cautionary tale. And he didn’t even make the mistake.

Kemkers is lucky that all Kramer did was kick at the ice and throw his glasses to the ground and not plunge his skate blade into his neck. Any jury would have ruled it justifiable homicide.

This is the speed skating equivalent of Albert Pujols hitting a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 9th inning to win the game, and then the third base coach distracting him from touching third base and they lose the series.

I guess there is a sliver lining. It’s speed skating. Outside of the Netherlands and Shani Davis, no one is going to remember what happened by the end of the week anyway. Just to be sure, Gerard Kemkers should look into what it might take to become a Belgian citizen.

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