Because he is Chad Ochocinco he couldn’t stop there. After the fines he tweeted again, saying...

“Dear NFL, I apologize for tweeting during the game but that was two months of my Bugatti payments you just took from me.  I won’t do it again.”

Funny?  Perhaps, but not really.  Harmless?  Probably.  Ignorant?  Definitely.

Hey Chad, just so you understand, most people drive an Impala or an Accord, not a Bugatti.  Most people are busting their ass to make enough money so the bank doesn’t come and take back their Impala; so they might have a hard time relating to you getting a couple of Bugatti payments taken from you by the league because you couldn’t set down your iPhone.

Go catch your touchdowns, go choreograph a few more absurd end zone dances, and go get ready for the inevitable meltdown that you and Terrell Owens will have and let the rest of us lead normal lives.

Remember this story when the inevitable “How did Chad Johnson end up on food stamps?” story runs in a few years.

Of course I am talking about former Oregon Ducks running back, and current Tennessee Titan back, LeGarrette Blount. Blount missed almost all of last year’s college season after he de-toothed Boise St. loudmouth, Byron Hout on national television.

He apologized; he stayed quiet and out of trouble, and even received guidance from Tony Dungy (no profanity please), and made it back to the field at the end of the year. He signed with the Titans and was back in the news this week after he slugged teammate Eric Bakhtiari. One of those things?...Uh, no.

The Oregonian ran a report today, in which two former Duck players and a former assistant coach claim that Blount punched then head coach Mike Belotti in the face during a practice. The punch was inadvertent, it was intended to harm teammates Jairus Byrd and Jerome Boyd, but missed and landed on Belotti’s mug.  Belotti has denied that he was hit by Blount.

Dude.

At the very real risk of being on the receiving end of a Blount right hand, what the hell? Is there anyone this guy hasn’t hit, or at least tried to hit? LeGarrette likes to punch people...in the face. He doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to know what you are thinking; he wants you to be picking your teeth up off the ground when he is done.

There are fights on the football field, it happens, but it shouldn’t happen this often. He hits more people in the face than people who hit people in the face for a living. Cage fighters; boxers; karate champions; none of these guys hit as many people in the face as LeGarrette Blount does during an average week.

This is not ‘one of those things’. This is that ‘kind of guy’. The kind of guy who doesn’t think, just swings. At this point, the question isn’t ‘why does he keep punching people?’ it’s “why do people keep bothering him?’ Because if you bother him, (annoy, pester, look at), he will stick his fist inside your mouth.

Right.

Carry on.

It has behind the scenes coverage of one of the most charismatic, dynamic, inspiring head coaches in the NFL, Rex Ryan. Now, after just one episode we have discovered that he gets fined for excessive snacking. Even with the new deal Ryan just signed, he is going to be on food stamps by Week 10. He does know that you can’t eat food stamps, right? That they have to be redeemed for actual food? Just checking.

How does he fit any food past those giant fake chompers anyway? Isn’t the lap band a bit redundant when your mouth is already loaded with a bunch of porcelain toilet tank lids? Charlie Weis thinks that Ryan is a poor advertisment for lapband surgery? Is it possible to actually get fatter after getting gutted? We are about to find out.

The rest of the episode focused mainly on All-Pro corner Darrelle Revis’s holdout, and the Jets trying to bring him into camp. Fine. I don’t care. He’ll be back, he’ll get paid, and everyone involved knows it. Let’s talk Joe Namath.

Joe Namath looks good. What year did he die anyway? I couldn’t tell if my TiVo caught Hard Knocks or Weekend at Bernie’s Six. To think this guy used to be a sex symbol? Wasn’t he the centerfold in Playgirl’s April 200 B.C. Edition? Dear God, Joe. I know everyone gets old, but most of us have the decency to stay off of television once we do.

Always sad to see one of the great swordsman of our time age like that. No one likes to look at a geriatric sex addict. Johnny Walker and Metamucil are not good together. To steal one of Joe’s more famous quotes, “It’s 2 am guys, Miss America isn’t coming through that door.” Well, maybe not Miss America, but after seeing you, the odds on the Grim Reaper paying you a visit are off the board.

The Caesar haircut? Joe, that haircut looks ridiculous on a guy that is 20, much less 120. That haircut hasn’t been in style since your fraternity brother Julius Caesar was rocking it.

And your daughter seems very interested in your opinion of the team, and is ‘daughter’ in air quotes? Calling that girl your granddaughter would have been a stretch.

White shorts? Dude, it is 2010, white shorts? This was the only thing the guy had on that was age appropriate. Well, the shorts and the orthopedic shoes. Has anyone under 85 ever bought white shorts?

And can we stop with the guarantee reset? Who cares? The guy has gotten more mileage out of being flip than anyone in history. Here’s the only guarantee: You have consumed more than your fair share of Cutty Sark.

I don’t care how famous Joe Namath is; when he started lecturing Mark Sanchez on the mechanics of taking a snap, you know Sanchez was thinking, “The last time this guy played football he was in the backfield with a triceratops and Jesus Christ and he is telling me how to play?” The sincerity was lacking, to say the least.

Also, a tremendous idea to put him in a shirt that was 46 sizes too big, cause that made him look even younger and more vital.

But otherwise, I thought Joe looked great.

Ben Roethlisberger, two-time Super Bowl winner and two-time sexual assaulter (allegedly), has officially changed his hometown on all Steeler related media materials.

Previously, Roethlisberger had listed Findlay, OH as his hometown. Not anymore. At his request the team now lists his hometown as Corey Rawson, OH. There are several things wrong with this, not the least of which is the fact that ‘Corey Rawson’ doesn’t exist.

Big Ben and his sexual aggression did attend Cory-Rawson School in Rawson, OH, but there is no city, town, or burg named ‘Corey Rawson’; either with or without the additional ‘e’ he added to Cory.

No wonder he is trying to rape college girls in bar bathrooms, he doesn’t even know how to spell the name of his own high school and has never looked at an atlas. The egocentricity is palpable. Oh yeah, one other thing, he's stupid. Guys like Roethlisberger are not helping the argument that you have to be smart to be a successful quarterback in the NFL, because he clearly isn’t.

Even more stupid than him mis-identifying, and mis-spelling his hometown (and that is a very high bar to clear), was his reason for doing so. According to reports, Roethlisberger made the switch because he didn’t like that the people of Findlay were critical of him after he was accused of trying to rape a college student. Yeah, they were way out of line, right Ben? If they can’t stand by you after a second sex scandal, what kind of people are they? I mean other than decent and rational?

You showed them. I mean, you threw a butt-load of TD passes, what's the matter with them? If you win the Super Bowl, (twice no less!) you should have to follow those pesky little consent laws, right? They should stick by you no matter what! You are a good football player! Screw things like morality and decency. If they don't want you, just make up your own fictional, badly spelled municipality.

Yeah, you have it all figured out.  I mean, you do understand that some people in Findlay, OH have daughters, right?

The only thing worse than you pulling this moronic protest is that somehow, I was forced to read about it.

By Brian Beckner:

Sometimes a change of scenery is all it takes. Particularly in the modern NFL where the combination of competition, specialization and scheme could be the difference between the practice squad and the Pro Bowl (do they still play that?) for a player. On field success is as much a function of opportunity as it is ability.

Take for instance Antonio Cromartie who’s looking to reinvigorate his career in a new system with the New York Jets. For him a change of scenery could make all the difference, although apparently not in one particular area.

Cromartie may be a so-so NFL cornerback, but make no mistake dude is an absolute champion in the bedroom (and probably the kitchen, garage, study, laundry room, breakfast nook, servant’s quarters and anywhere else one could possibly have sex). How do we know this? Dude always makes sure to collect a trophy from his conquests.

From the New York Post:

The Jets' newly acquired cornerback, who's two seasons removed from a Pro Bowl year with the Chargers, came here better known for the seven children he'd fathered with six different women living in five states than he did for the 10 INTs he made in 2007.

We’ve covered this ground before. It’s no secret that this dude has seeded more fields than Monsanto. Before this season Cromartie had only fathered a scant seven children. But because he’s a perfectionist, Cromartie doesn’t rest on his laurels. During the off season he stepped up to the sex plate and knocked another one out of the park. That’s right, he’s a daddy again.

Shocker:

He, in fact, has embarked on a new chapter in his life. On July 2, he got married. He and his wife, Terricka, have a 3-month-old daughter named Jurzie -- no reference to Cromartie's new home with the Jets.

Congratulations on the birth of your eighth child, Antonio. That’s eight. That’s one more than seven. Dude is 26-years-old and has eight children. That’s one less than nine (no doubt it’ll be at least nine by next season though).

But like all Father of the Year candidates, Cromartie keeps in touch with his brood. And he’s not just the typical Nerf-ball-for-Christmas sort of absentee father. No way, Antonio uses technology. He’s on Skype.

More:

His best solution to the long-distance thing is being on the computer constantly, using Skype to video chat with his kids.

He knows about Skype but he’s never heard of rubbers? He can manipulate a temperamental web conferencing application but still can’t grasp the rhythm method? He does his parenting via Skype? Can somebody let him know that these are his children and not the satellite office in Des Moines?

Hey Tony, it’s enough already. You have nothing left to prove. Your records will certainly remain intact. Historians will be discussing your talents for years to come. No one doubts your manhood. We know you can slay like Maximus. Your effluent testosterone swath flows like Kilauea. Old Faithful blasts off less regularly. An atomic clock is less predictable. At the rate you’re going you will single-handedly overtake the combined populations of Mumbai, Beijing and Tokyo before the bye week.

Look, no one’s asking you to limit your obviously prodigious sexual appetite. You evidently enjoy sex…A LOT. You seem to be very good at it. We’re guessing that you’re also not a fan of condoms. Conventional birth control seems like it may be a bit of a bother for a man of your position (guessing your favorite position is “all of them?”).

You may not be aware, but there are surgical remedies for this problem you have. You do consider splitting your paycheck eight ways a problem? Just hit the doc on a Thursday and you’ll be on the field again on Sunday. Sure, it’ll be tough to take a two-day break from sexing, but that’s one less offspring with their hand out when it’s time to carve up that next contract. Assuming, you’re able to stop having sex long enough to earn another contract.

Say what?

Please explain to me how Owens, James, or any other obnoxious, self centered media whore is worse than Brett Favre? You can’t. FACT.

Favre isn’t only just as bad as ‘LeOwens’ and the rest, he’s far worse. LeOwens may have done a set of crunches in his driveway or ruined televison with ‘The Decision’, but Favre just did an ‘interview’ from the front seat of his truck while refusing to make eye contact.

Favre has held the Packers, Jets and now the Vikings hostage with his ridiculous ‘will he or won’t he’ saga every summer. TO’s teammates hated him. Favre’s teammates in New York practically threw a party when he said he wasn’t returning. TO makes enemies wherever he goes and is despised by former teammates; fine. Go ask Visanthe Shiancoe what he thinks of Favre right now after Favre basically called him a liar.

Actually, it’s pretty simple to figure out. Favre talks to the media. Favre calls people by their first names and gives Chris Berman and Peter King his cell phone number. Favre smiles when he plays. Favre sells jeans.

This isn’t meant to make Terrell Owens or LeBron James look sympathetic, far from it. This is just an effort to point out that Favre is just as bad as they are, probably worse.

Owens hasn’t allegedly sent any cell phone junk shots to sideline reporters. LeBron James isn’t the one who had to get treated for being a pill popper. Favre is that guy, it’s time he starts getting treated like it and not like the eccentric ol' buddy who really doesn’t mean any harm.

Brett Favre, bad guy.

Wait, since I started writing, he is now saying that he will play, ‘if healthy’.

'What' and 'ever'. He’ll play; he knows he’ll play; the Vikings know he’ll play, and even ESPN, who lives to kiss celebrity athlete ass, knows he’ll play. Favre is obsessed with his self-created drama and he can’t even help himself at this point.

However, he's still the star today.

According to Jenn Sterger, (via Deadspin), Favre sent the internet bimbo/Playboy model/sportscaster pictures of ‘little Brett’ while she was working as a sideline ‘reporter’ for the Jets.

Granted, the pics have not surfaced (yet), and this is coming from Sterger who has made a career out of showing her breasts in public and then removing her implants in public, and then well, talking about Brett Favre’s junk in public, so take it for what it’s worth.

But if you believe Sterger and Deadspin (and really, why the hell not, this is why the internet exists), Favre followed in the illustrious (not to mention gigantic) footsteps(?) of other greats like Greg Oden, Grady Sizemore and countless others. The ultra-romantic, oh so suave, make the girls swoon, cell phone penis picture.

Has this technique at wooing a woman ever NOT worked? How did athletes go about meeting women pre-cell phone photography? In the Dark Ages, you had to wait to show that special someone your special something, now it's all point and click. Ah, progress. So much for poetry, flowers and a box of candy.

In some of the pics he was going with a ‘one man play-action’ fake, while wearing a pair of Crocs; those plastic shoes favored by nurses and freaks. Crocs? What, the Birkenstocks didn’t go with your outfit? Plastic shoes are not OK.

Ever.

Unless you are scrubbing in for surgery, going fishing in a river, or looking for clams; your shoes should not be made of plastic. What purpose would the Crocs serve while he was doing what he was allegedly doing? Did he need to have extra traction? Additional comfort? Was he concerned with an electrical strike during his performance?

Crocs?

Considering the Crocs are the most disturbing part of this, tells you all you need to know about athletes and our interactions with them. It’s amusing, but not shocking. There’s very little that Favre, or any other mega-celebrity, could do at this point that would truly shock anyone. Even that Brazilian soccer player killing his porno girlfriend and then feeding her corpse to his dogs barely raises an eyebrow.

Favre, and others like him, see the new iPhone/Droid or whatever, and don’t see new features, better technology, and improved service. They see a larger screen with better resolution and improved video streaming capabilities so they can send better, self-made porn. A better delivery system to get their freak on.

Pro athletes are modern day Romans. They live by a different set of rules, a totally different moral code, that being, they don’t have one.

Go Vikes!

But before I can even get into that, let’s stop and analyze the name ‘Redskins’. I mean, everyone does know it is 2010, right? Was that even OK in 1910?

Forget political correctness. Ninety-nine percent of that garbage is exactly that, garbage. People are way too sensitive and way too concerned about things that really don’t matter. But Redskins? Really?

Go ahead, try and tell me how this is OK; how this isn’t insanely offensive? The Cleveland Indians mascot is measured and considerate by comparison. Redskins?

Your team is a slur? Your team name is the amount of melanin in a native American’s skin? That’s what you are going with?

Look, Albert Haynesworth is a spoiled, over-indulged, narcissistic fat ass. The guy intentionally stomped Andre Geroud’s face a few years ago when Geroud was on the ground without his helmet. He is complaining about a job that pays him over $20 million annually. He is totally irredeemable in every sense. Mike Shanahan is a rat-faced control freak, who needs to mix in some sunscreen before his face spontaneously combusts. Team owner, Dan Snyder could easily be the single most despised person in pro sports. A category that includes Kobe Bryant and the McCourts, lest you forget. Everyone in this entire group is someone you should hate.

But none of it matters to me. Redskins? Fix that, then we can deal with all of your other issues.

Everybody can relax. It’s time for us to stand down. Chillax, it’s no biggie. Michael Vick had nothing to with that shooting at his birthday party. How do we know that? He told us.

Here’s a portion of Mike Vick’s statement courtesy of Philly.com:

"On June 25, 2010 I attended a birthday party held in my honor at The Guadalajara’s Restaurant in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

"After I left the event, I learned that a man was shot outside the restaurant.

"I want to assure everyone that I had nothing to do with that incident. I left the restaurant prior to it occurring and did not witness what happened.

Alright then, that’s that. Thanks for sorting that one out Mike. Let’s get ready for minicamp.

How this guy has not been cut yet is beyond comprehension, and the Philadelphia Eagles will regret their grievous error. What he did is disgusting. The dog raping and electrocuting was pretty bad, but this sickening. Running around calling yourself Ron Mexico, so you can freely deposit herpes upon unsuspecting Atlanta party girls (ALLEGEDLY) was super uncool.

Sure, Mike Vick is a convicted felon. Sure, one of his co-defendants caught some lead. But the real crime here is a 30-year-old man having a birthday party for himself.

What kind of depraved individual throws his own birthday party? Is he seven? Was there a jumpy house? Did the kids play laser tag?

Seriously, if you are over the age of 12 and you consider your birthday a day for celebration, you have deep-seated emotional issues. Birthdays are for children and chicks. Breaking news: No one cares about your birthday, guy. It’s just another day on the calendar. You’re one day closer to death, period. Or in Vick’s case, one day closer to a contract as a back-up punt returner for the Alouettes, Argos or one of the Rough Riders.

For Michael Vick, the shooting is incidental to the real criminal behavior that occurred at that club. A 30-year-old man had a birthday party for himself...on purpose. He wasn’t kidding. Roger Goodell and Andy Reid should have been standing at the door to the club with Vick’s separation papers in hand, based on violating the childish narcissism clause that should be standard in every NFL contract. His probation officer should have been waiting with the plastic cuffs.

Oh, and by the way, Vick was 6 of 13 for 86 yards and a single touchdown last season. So he’s got that going for him, which is nice.

Enjoy your birthday Mike. Saskatchewan is supposedly lovely this time of year.