I have just accepted a job with 1560 The Game in Houston and couldn’t be more excited about it. My first show will be September 7th and I am in the process of putting together the guest list for the first week's worth of shows. Listen here for the announcement on the Sean and John Show.

I will be hosting from 1-3 CDT, (OK, that felt weird, first CDT mention in my life) right before my good friends Sean Pendergast and John Harris. I make no promises on how badly I might damage their brand!

I will continue to update the blog, continue to post my shows online and try to make everyone laugh and/or think once or twice a day.

Thanks to everyone who has offered me their support, I am incredibly grateful.

Granger went with the very creative, and very hilarious ‘Euros smell’ tweet.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe. I mean, who doesn’t like a good, “you smell” attack, but do we really need to do it when you are representing Team USA?

Then again, asking Danny Granger to use his better judgment might be asking a little too much. This is the same guy who wanted to build a Bat Cave. Not a bat cave, a Bat Cave; the kind that Batman works in. He wants to spend his money on building a superhero lounge. Is Larry Bird going to build a Fortress of Solitude?

Here’s the deal. You stop saying people smell, and you can keep the Bat Cave. The Bat Cave only reflects poorly on you and your economic sense (or lack of it). The “All Euros Smell’ tweet makes everyone look bad.

Someone go ask him about the metric system, let’s see if we can get really ugly!

The biggest surprise is the simple fact that this isn’t a surprise at all. I don’t know if there was a single person, from ownership, to the players, to the media, to the fans, to Manny himself, who didn’t think that it was going to end exactly the way that it did.

Manny quitting and leaving town with more bad memories than good.

The Dodgers got him for nothing, bought his “I want to help the team” act, gave him a fat deal, and started to sell wigs. Win-win-win.

Then he went Manny. Drug suspension, stopped hitting, stopped trying, got hurt, stopped trying, got hurt again, stopped hitting, stopped trying, stopped hitting, and started to sabotage the team, most notably by getting tossed in a game after seeing only one pitch.

Adios, Manny.

No hard feelings. Everyone knows your deal. You are what you are. A fantastic hitter, a Hall of Famer, a drug cheat, and quite possibly one of the game’s worst teammates. When you are going good, and getting what you want, you are a decent guy...kind of. When it goes bad, you hide, you stop talking, you quit and show your true colors.  You become the front runner you are at your core.  A 'me first' player who doesn't give a damn about winning baseball games, only getting paid.  It doesn't make you a bad guy (actually it does), it just makes you Manny Ramirez.

Anyone who musters up any anger or frustration about his stint in LA is either faking it or stupid. This was a lock. This was as certain as his bat slowing down after he stopped taking his birth control pills.

Enjoy Chicago Manny. No hard feelings from here in LA. Just don’t expect any warm ones either.

By Brian Beckner:

Remember, these are not one man’s opinion, but rather indisputable, iron clad, unassailable FACTS.

Scottie Pippen is having a statue of his effigy erected outside the United Center. Pippen is unattractive. FACT.

Statues never look like the actual person. FACT. Everyone is hoping that holds true with the Pippen statue. FACT.

Scottie Pippen would much rather have the cash equivalent of said statue.  FACT.  Scottie Pippen needs cash.  FACT.  Scottie Pippen never tipped more than 0%.  FACT.  'No Tippin' Scottie Pippen' is the best sports nickname ever.  FACT.

Scottie Pippen is attempting a real-life remake of Brewster's Millions, only this time it's funny.  FACT.

The biggest presence in the history of American soccer is finally making a return to the pitch. Wait, David Beckham has an injury? Who’s David Beckham again? He plays in America? Has this been confirmed? No one in America has ever heard of this Beckham character. FACT.

Calling the field the “pitch” is super lame. FACT.

We’re talking about a real American soccer superstar, a household name, a player whose visage adorns the bedroom walls of young soccer players from coast-to-coast. That’s right, New Mexico Lobos enforcer Elizabeth Lambert is back. FACT.

Elizabeth Lambert is a stone-cold sociopath. FACT.

Elizabeth Lambert is hott with two T’s. FACT.

Tiger Woods enjoys sex…A LOT. FACT. Sex rehab causes you to play terrible golf. FACT.

Writing nine-figure checks is a good way to get motivated. FACT.

The NFL fined Chad Ochocinco for tweeting during a game. What if this was to happen during the Super Bowl? That wouldn’t be a problem because Ochocinco will be watching that from his couch. FACT.

Things Chad Ochocinco will never be fined for: winning a Super Bowl ring, going to the Hall of Fame and being compelling in any way. His act was tired when it was called the Icky Shuffle. FACT.

If Chad Ochocinco were better at football he wouldn’t be sideline tweeting. FACT. If Chad Ochocinco weren’t sideline tweeting, he’d be better at football. FACT.

'Ochocinco' is a very stupid name.  FFFAAAYYYCCCTTT.

Carson Palmer deserves a medal. FACT. The Bengals have cool helmets. FACT.

There used to be a sport called “boxing.” FACT.

The state of Texas just cleared the way for boxer/criminal Antonio Margarito to get throttled by Manny Pacquiao at Texas Stadium. How ’bout them Cowboys! FACT.  Jerry Jones has a team worth over $1 billion and still got a dime store face lift.  FACT.  This amuses me.  FACT.

The last time Antonio Margarito stepped into the ring it was with a roll of dimes in each glove. FACT.

Antonio Margarito should be in prison. FACT.

Boxing is more scripted than professional wrestling. FACT. We’re totally buying the pay-per-view. FACT.

James Toney used to be a skinny boxer.  FACT.  James Toney became a fat boxer.  FACT.  James Toney is now a fat MMA fighter and is about to get tuned up by Randy Couture.  FACT.

MMA is the favorite sport of small, angry, white guys in Ed Hardy hats and medium Affliction t-shirts.  FACT.

The University of North Carolina football team may have had tutors write their term papers. FACT. No D-I football player has ever written their own term paper. FACT.

UNC has a football team. FACT?

Strasburg looked to be a once-in-a-generation flamethrower, a guy who was going to make All-Star games for the next 10 years; win 18+ a year, and punchout out 12 guys a night. Now, all of that is up in the air. If you like baseball, this sucks.

Yes, guys come back from Tommy John surgery, and there is even an argument that guys come back better than before after having the procedure. Maybe. I don‘t think he needs to be much better, but oh well.

This shouldn’t be an ‘I told you so’ moment. It shouldn’t be, but it is. This is exactly why all the hype, the hysteria and the insanity surrounding his arrival was not only premature, but stupid. More guys get hurt than don’t. More players flame in spectacular fashion than turn out to be the next Nolan Ryan or Tom Seaver. There’s a reason we all remember Seaver and Ryan as well as we do and scratch our heads at names like Todd Van Poppel, Brien Taylor and Mark Prior. There are a lot more Dave Zancanaros than there are Nolan Ryans.

And of course, the final wrinkle in this entire Strasburg mess is the moron Rob Dibble. Dibble, best known for having a giant mouth and small brain, was calling Strasburg a puss after he left the game recently.

"Okay, you throw a pitch, it bothers your arm, and you immediately call out the manager and the trainer? Suck it up, kid. This is your profession. You chose to be a baseball player. You can't have the cavalry come in and save your butt every time you feel a little stiff shoulder, sore elbow.

That’s why he’s a jackass and not a doctor.

If Dibble weren’t Dibble, and didn’t have an IQ right around room temperature, he would be digging a hole right now considering how stupid those comments were.

Maybe that’s the very small silver lining in an otherwise enormous dark cloud; that Rob Dibble has been confirmed as one of the dumbest people in baseball. Again.

Because he is Chad Ochocinco he couldn’t stop there. After the fines he tweeted again, saying...

“Dear NFL, I apologize for tweeting during the game but that was two months of my Bugatti payments you just took from me.  I won’t do it again.”

Funny?  Perhaps, but not really.  Harmless?  Probably.  Ignorant?  Definitely.

Hey Chad, just so you understand, most people drive an Impala or an Accord, not a Bugatti.  Most people are busting their ass to make enough money so the bank doesn’t come and take back their Impala; so they might have a hard time relating to you getting a couple of Bugatti payments taken from you by the league because you couldn’t set down your iPhone.

Go catch your touchdowns, go choreograph a few more absurd end zone dances, and go get ready for the inevitable meltdown that you and Terrell Owens will have and let the rest of us lead normal lives.

Remember this story when the inevitable “How did Chad Johnson end up on food stamps?” story runs in a few years.

Deadspin posted a pic, taken by an Alabama fan in Jacksonville, FL.  The fan claims the photo looks like a silhouette of dead ‘Bama coach Bear Bryant.

Come on now.  Even by hysterical college football fan standards, this is insanity.  It’s a cloud.  It’s a random collection of water molecules; not god sending you a message that he loves Bear Bryant and the Tide.

What’s next?  A tornado in the shape of Nick Saban’s hair?  Maybe a hurricane swirl that looks like Mark Ingram’s mustache?

I know football is life down there.  I know nothing matters more than the Tide and their place in the college football hierarchy.  I know that you think the rest of us are all soft, wishy-washy, communists who don’t know anything about ball and commitment to the team.  I understand all that.

Clouds?

Oh, and one other thing, that cloud looks exactly like Bear Bryant.

Only a couple of days after officially divorcing his wife; having his wife quoted as saying that he ‘put her through hell’; and shockingly acting like a human being in a press conference yesterday; Tiger Woods is back.

One round into the Barclay’s and Woods has already looked more like Tiger Woods in one day than he has since he pile drove a fire hydrant,and skanks came streaming out from underneath the rock like fire ants.

Six under, 65, thanks for coming, line up the showgirls and coffee shop groupies.

Conventional wisdom was that Woods would find his game once he got his life away from the course in some sort of order. Makes sense. No more distractions, what’s done is done, move on, go to the range and re-discover what made him the world’s best golfer.

But one round? Talk about compartmentalization. Is the guy a damn cyborg? Turn off ‘marriage disaster’ program, re-install ‘hit fairways and greens and drain putts’ app? I knew that a guy who could do what he did to his family might be missing the empathy DNA chip, but damn.

Odd thing is, he looked more like a regular human being yesterday than he ever has in his entire public life. He seemed genuinely torn up about the end of his marriage. He actually said he was distracted; he admitted to a lack of preparation; and confessed to being sad. A real guy, for at least 10 minutes or so.

If he wins this week, only days after cutting his wife loose, he is officially back. Oh, and he is officially the most cold blooded human being on Earth.

World famous soccer goon, Elizabeth Lambert, that is. Lambert is the U. of New Mexico soccer player who became internet famous last fall after going on a killing spree playing rough, during a MWC game against BYU.

After serving a two game suspension, she is back with the team and ready to attack the game, and presumably, other players.

New Mexico AD Paul Krebs and head coach Kit Vela announced that she will be making her return. Lambert did not attend the announcement, with the admintrators saying she just wants to be a part of the team. Right.

I can only hope that she hasn’t changed her style of play. I don’t need her to be a passer or a goal scorer. I don’t need her to be a leader on her team or a cog in the machine. I need her to be, well, Elizabeth Lambert, the only college soccer player I have ever heard of in my life.

She didn’t reach that level by knowing how to do whatever it is soccer players in college do. She reached it by being dirty, nasty, and by her willingness to injure someone. This can’t change.

She did the impossible. She made non-World Cup, non-EPL, American amateur soccer front page news. Eye on the prize Lambert. And by prize I mean that BYU forward’s ponytail and jugular.

Thomas, who red shirted last season, was arrested after being tased Sunday morning at 4:51 am. He was found nude (of course) in the upstairs bedroom of a house. When police arrived at the scene, they told Mr. Naked to get on the ground. Like most people who are awake and naked at 4:51 am, he refused, assumed a ‘three-point’ stance and made a move for the officers.

ZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPP!

That’s Rose Bowl level mischief right there. Oh yeah, he got kicked off the team. Then there’s that.

Hey buddy, let me help you with something. This goes for you and all of your fellow football players at Oregon State and every other program for that matter. There are exactly zero scenarios that will require you to assume a three-point stance outside of the football field. None. If you feel the need to ‘put your hand in the dirt’ (or in this case the carpet) and you aren’t playing a game or at practice, don’t. Stop what you are doing and re-evaluate what is going on. Because odds are, you are about one ‘snap’ away from going to jail.

Your boss at the insurance agency won't have you assume a three-point stance. Or, if he does, you should quit. The sales manager is not going to see how quickly you can get off the line and get to the quarterback. Just stay on two feet like, I don't know, a person, and calmly let them arrest you without you being forced to ride the lightning.

Those guys in the blue uniforms, the ones with the guns and the sticks and the thousands of volts of electricity strapped to their belts; those guys aren’t the other team. They aren’t protecting their QB, they are trying to get a naked guy out of some woman’s house who doesn’t want random naked dudes in her house at 4:51am.

Go Beavers. Let the football season and all of it’s associated, fantastic criminality begin!