“President Hugo Chavez urged supporters to use Twitter to blow the whistle on currency speculators on Sunday and announced that police raids on illegal traders would continue as Venezuela’s government tries to defend the embattled bolivar.” – Associated Press

I have to be honest here. When Mark dropped this story in my lap, I was happier than a kid on Christmas. It just doesn’t get any better than this. Yes, Virgina, there is a Santa Claus.

Personally, I’ve always considered the Silicon Valley startup set to be dominated and run by a bunch of economy-crushing socialists, so I find it strangely fitting when Venezuela’s dictator-for-life/left wing zealot President Hugo Chavez has embraced Twitter as a means to oppress and terrorize his citizenry.

Think about it. Chavez has a history of shutting down business he doesn’t like, or nationalizes others that are profitable simply so he can put a stop to it, simply because profit is evil. That is unless, of course, the profits in question are being funneled directly to him. I mean, who needs to make money when you can live off other people’s money? Ev Williams has been living off VC money for quite some time now, and until recently has shown little to no interest in the profitability of Twitter.

From CNN Money in October of 2009:

Do you have an internal timeline of when you want to turn to the moneymaking business?

“Sure.”

Did you share that with your recent investors? You recently raised about $100 million.

“(Sighs.) We talked about the plans. Obviously, they wanted to see details. They want to see models and ideas. They know it’s going to take time. Our ideas are speculative, but they have solid research and examples to point to as to why they’re likely to work or some permutation of them will likely work.

No investor we have ever talked to — whether current or new investors — have said you need to get on with the moneymaking part sooner. Everyone who really gets the big vision has said don’t worry about that. You need plenty of money? We’ll raise plenty of money. Invest it in for the long-term.”

That’s just one example. Williams has also claimed when asked about money, that Twitter is “97%” focused on improving the product.

Now for those of you who are as bad at math as Ev Williams seems to be, that only leaves 3% of Twitter’s “focus” to be spent on its own fiscal health. Oh well. Who needs profit when you are bent on “changing the world”, like Chavez and Williams seem to be.

Oh, wait. That’s not the best part. Ev has also said, “I think Twitter will be a fundamental part of how people interact with their government. I think it will be how you get personal, customized information from every entity you care about, from your local café to your government, from your politician to your friends and family.”

Wow. What a soothsayer he turned out to be, huh? There’s a lot of interaction going on in Venezuela right now. Twitter + Hugo Chavez + you = prison. How’s that for some “real time web”, muchachos?

Okay, Okay. Settle down. I know Ev Williams isn’t a brutal oppressive dictator. He hasn’t shot anybody or anything like that. I’m just saying he likes to hoard other people’s money and talk of Utopia, so I can see why ol’ Hugo would like him, is all. Chavez is a government “tool” and Williams wants Twitter to be a government tool. Not only that, but isn’t this even more of a win-win for Chavez when he’s using an American company to do his oppressive dirty work? This is so smooth, it makes Citgo look like a practical joke. I’m just sayin’…just sayin’.

Then again, what is there to be worried about really? I mean, it’s not like Twitter actually works or anything like that. Twitter does more crashing than Venezuelan cops at a democracy rally. The people might be safe if they just hide behind the ever present Fail Whale. Hell, Twitter may be the most secure site available to Venezuelans and their privacy when you get right down to it, so maybe this is much ado about nothing.

Unlike some, I don’t want Twitter to close Hugo Chavez’s account. No way, baby. There’s just way too much entertainment value in this for me. I now have a direct line to the Tinhorn of a banana republic, which means I can do things like this:

And you think they messed with Sasquatch. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.